Learn from this real-life infidelity coaching session with a client who finds herself having difficulty trusting her husband again after she discovers that he had an extramarital affair.
During this infidelity coaching session, she discusses some of the issues she is going through individually, as well as some of the issues that they are experiencing as a couple. Read on to see if you are in the same situation.
Ever since I found out about my husband’s affair, I’ve been having a hard time trusting him the way I used to. I know that maybe, with some time, I’d be able to do that again, but I’m pretty sure it will never be the same. This whole thing has taught me to put my needs first. I’ve learned to set up boundaries for myself and my husband within our marriage. I guess I just learned to protect myself more. But I want to learn or find out if there are ways that could help us get around the barriers that are keeping us from really reconnecting and making it work and last this time around. I think that at some level we’re basically just afraid, and I want to know about ways that we could get over our fears.
Another barrier we are facing is that we are having difficulty communicating. My husband always says that I have really bad timing when it comes to bringing up conversations like this, but I think he just says that because his idea of moving on is forgetting about what he did or pretending it never happened. I want to try maybe going to an infidelity coaching session as a couple, but I’m not sure how he is going to respond to that suggestion.
Our relationship has never been like this. We’re just so nice to each other all the time and it feels so fake. It was even better when he was having his affair – we talked more and there was a lot more passion in our relationship. Everything now just feels wrong. It’s like we’re so afraid of disappointing each other that we’ve become too cautious about everything we do. I don’t know what to do anymore.
Here are some of the things that were mentioned during the infidelity coaching session that she should focus on while she is going through her infidelity crisis.
1. Be specific about the fear you experience when interacting with your partner. What exactly is it that you or your partner is afraid of disappointing in each other? What other fears do you have regarding your partner and your relationship?
2. Ask your husband what he means by your “bad timing†and ask him when he thinks is the right time to talk to him about the things you want to talk about. You can also try introducing the topic to him before going any further into detail. Say something like “I want to talk about this and that right now. Do you think you’re up to it or would you rather talk about it another time?”
3. Try to identify what specific type of affair your partner was involved in. This will allow you to step back and think of a better plan to approach the issue of rebuilding your marriage.