Charging Neutral to Develop Trust After Infidelity

July 19, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Trust after infidelity is very difficult to achieve, but what can you do to make things a little better?

Marriages that have been affected by extramarital affairs will always have a difficult time rebuilding the trust in that’s lost in the relationship. An important aspect that you will have to concentrate on fixing is the way you communicate with each other, especially when there are a lot of issues that need to be resolved which is most likely.

A great way to start rebuilding trust after infidelity this is to charge neutral. The act of charging neutral means that you become aware of how you communicate with your partner, and control it in a way where you will be able to convey what you want to say in a direct, honest and calm manner.

A lot of people have a hard time controlling what they say, especially in the heat of the moment. You can find a lot of different kinds of exercises that you can try to keep this from happening from books or even on other relationship blogs on the internet.

Charging neutral means that you keep yourself from reacting to whatever it is that your partner is saying or doing to you. To develop trust after infidelity, instead of yelling back, being defensive or sarcastic, making snide or rude comments, you remain calm in both your tone and attitude, and you say what it is that you have to say without creating more problems than you already have.

When you remain calm in addressing your problems, you will be able to bring up even your biggest problems out in the open for you to work on without causing a lot of drama. And the best part is, your partner will be able to see the control and the personal power that you have. He or she will be able to rely on this control and trust that you will be able to get through any issues you might have because of it. He or she will know that you will be able to stay calm no matter what, and that you will remain honest and truthful.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Humor, Infidelity Impact, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Stopping the Affair, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Hiding the Details of Infidelity

July 12, 2012 by 1 Comment

When infidelity strikes your marriage, do you want your partner to hide it from you? Or for him or her to tell you all about it?

If you find out that your partner is having an extramarital affair, your initial reaction is to ask about the details of what went on during his or her infidelity, where and when.

But what if your partner doesn’t tell you what you want to know? There could be a number of different reasons behind this, and here are a couple of them. Take a look and see if either one fits your situation.

 

1. Some affairs are caused by kind of a dependency issue on the offender’s side, especially in cases where the type of affair is “I fell out of love” or “I want to be close to someone.”

In these cases of infidelity, your partner tends to keep the details of his or her affair from you for fear of how you would react. Your partner cares too much if you’ll get angry or hate him or her for the things he or she did, so he or she ends up not telling you anything at all.

2. If your partner, on the other hand, is involved in an “I can’t say no” affair, his or her reasons for not opening up about his or her infidelity could be totally different.

He or she is hiding these details because he or she is ashamed and guilty over the things he or she did. Your partner doesn’t want you to know what happened because he or she knows how wrong it was and he or she wants to keep those details from you so you won’t get hurt.

There could be plenty of other reasons why your partner would choose to keep the details of his or her infidelity from you. They depend on a lot of factors, some of which include the type of affair he or she went through, the state of your relationship and his or her personal problems. Whatever it is, you have to know and understand the circumstances that lead to your partner’s infidelity to be able to determine how you will get him or her to talk to you about it.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Extramarital Affairs: Not Always Due to Sexual Unsatisfaction

July 10, 2012 by 1 Comment

Whenever a person finds out that their partner is cheating on them, or was once involved in an extramarital affair, more often than not, the things you imagine are worse than what actually happened, especially when it comes to their sexual encounters.

Take this case of extramarital affairs, for example, where a woman began an affair with someone who was 15 years younger than her. She described how she felt during the affair, saying that she didn’t feel like herself and that she was actually truly traumatized from it. She talked about how difficult it was for her lover to get an erection, and when they were finally able to have sex, that it was not good at all. In fact, it made her feel worse about herself.

What you have to keep in mind, though, is that what you imagined they had done during the extramarital affair is not necessarily the truth. And that in most cases, it is actually the opposite.

This is a problem that most victims of infidelity encounter – believing that the affair occurred because of a lack of sexual satisfaction in the marriage, and that it is the other person who started the seduction. This is not the case for everyone who has gone through or is going through an extramarital affair. Reasons for engaging in extramarital affairs actually go deeper than just a lack of sexual satisfaction in the relationship most of the time.

Usually, people cheat for personal reasons that have nothing to do with problems regarding their partners or relationships. They are usually problems that go back even before the relationship, and your partner probably had not been able to cope with it properly. Extramarital affairs are never as simple as a bad sex life, and the only way you can get to the bottom of it is if you explore each others’ needs together.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Infidelity Testimonials, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,
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