Recovery From Infidelity

Recovery from Infidelity: Mental Shifts

Making shifts in one thinking, at least being open to the possibility of there being another way of perceiving a relationship or one’s self, begins the healing and recovery process from infidelity or an extramarital affair.

Here are some shifts made in two case studies:

1. How has this E-course helped you change the way you feel, think and act as you face infidelity. Give examples, if you can.

Everyone thought we were the perfect couple (including ME)and I never even imagined this could happen to US. I now know it can happen to anybody. I have learned that I am okay, and a lot stronger than I ever gave myself credit for, and also, that no one is perfect, no marriage is perfect, but sometimes bad things happen to good people. The course has helped me to realize that there are things I needed to examine and learn about myself as well as my husband, things I didn’t realize I was doing, especially with regard to taking my husband and his love for granted. Only, after having been married for 30 years, it is something we tend to do when we get comfortable, but I thought that was also part of TRUST. What I never expected was to get to this point in our lives, where the kids were grown and (it was supposed to Our Time) only to feel as if that magic carpet has been ripped out from under me. I am certain there were things I probably could have and should have been doing differently, but that ultimately, the affair was His Choice and that in the beginning (Discovery) I was much too hard on myself, and originally went out of my way to understand him, but have since come to a place of acceptance within myself– to try & change the things I can, the courage to accept what I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.

1. How has this E-course helped you change the way you feel, think and act as you face infidelity. Give examples, if you can.

I started the course at a time I was depressed and believing I had done all I could to save my marriage, and all effort had yielded no positive results. The course opened my eyes and I began to see some of the mistakes that I had unknowingly made like involving relatives, friends and seeking counseling from church members. These mistakes had actually isolated us as a family and had made us the subject of gossip among our “so called trusted colleagues.” After going through the 6 series (did not receive day 2 course, I truly agree with you that the discovery was the best thing that happened to us. Our communication has improved and we are more open with each other and are appreciating the character differences between us. We have started on a long journey of recovery from our past and we are moving together as a couple with less hurt.

Recovering from Infidelity

Recovering from infidelity is often a long process which stirs within powerful feelings, thoughts and images that go to the core of who on is.

These three people share part of their journey and questions:

Case Study #1:

1. How has this E-course helped you change the way you feel, think and act as you face infidelity. Give examples, if you can.

Knowing the type of battle i am facing, really put my mind into perspective. The first 2 weeks i was suffering terribly on what could have gone wrong with me, but this e-course really helped me enlighten that i may have done something wrong within the relationship, it was never and it will never be my fault that my husband had made bad judgments.

2. What unanswered questions do you have at this point as you cope with infidelity?

my husband has had the affair for 2 years before i found out and at this point i was still wondering and would like to understand who he was during those 2 years, why did he stayed on for 2 years more with me, why he just he didn’t let me go from the moment he knew that his relationship with the OW was getting serious – why did he deprived me of the love & affection that i needed – it was so selfish of him. Yet, across all that had happen – i still love my husband.

Case Study #2:

1. How has this E-course helped you change the way you feel, think and act as you face infidelity. Give examples, if you can.

It has definitely helped me gather my thoughts, calm down and think rationally. It has been very helpful to read of situations, feelings, reactions and behaviors that have fit my own situation so well, and gives me hope that they can be worked through constructively.

2. What unanswered questions do you have at this point as you cope with infidelity?

My wife was never a dishonest person, financial pressures and the hum drum of homemaking combining with the emergence of the old high school sweetheart created the perfect storm. Her relationship with him although limited pretty much to an ’emotional affair’ has changed her significantly and this is difficult to deal with.

Case Study #3″

1. How has this E-course helped you change the way you feel, think and act as you face infidelity. Give examples, if you can.

It has made me realize that I am important and that I did not do this to our marriage. Whatever was the cause of it…I now know that I need to be concerned with myself and to never let someone have such a hold over me.I am my own person and not just “his wife.”I am going to utilize this wake-up call in my life to benefit me and to eventually be at the point where I will feel that this was a “good thing” that made our marriage even stronger.

2. What unanswered questions do you have at this point as you cope with infidelity?

I know my husband had an affair. There is no question about that. I have lots of proof that it happened.But…..he has not formally admitted it to me. Which bothers me. I know that it has stopped because I can tell. He is being a perfect husband and “friend.” MY QUESTION: Will I be able to heal from this w/o a confession? Can the trust be repaired when he won’t confess???????