It’s good to know there is an end, is it not?

And, to reach the end, we need a beginning point.

Change can happen! Change does happen! Infidelity does not mean your world is forever crashed. Just the opposite.

A new world is being created for you.

Don’t take my word for it. Read these comments from those who began to feel the change and shift after reading “Break Free From the Affair.”

>>>My husband would not talk to me at all. I identified the type(s) of affair, used the suggested guidelines and he has started to communicate with me (slowly, but the wall is coming down).

>>>I began to feel more confident and more in control. I was able to really see how the affair is not my fault. I was also able to identify a pattern in my spouse which helps me to better deal with the situation. The book also gave me some hope that perhaps my spouse will come back and if not I know that I will be a better and stronger person regardless.

>>>Only just read it but feel slightly more hopeful. I can see that I am acting in a needy way and will now try to back off. I realise this is going to take time to come to terms with.

>>>Has reiterated what I have know for years. I know that he will never accept accountability for his actions. So I really need to learn how I can take care of me without the guilt

>>>Gave me validation & understanding of what was occurring.

>>>I was able to use the information to better understand how my husband avoided intimacy by having an affair

>>>It gave me the tools I needed to help me deal with the frustration and wide range of emotions that I was going through.

>>>Breaking Free helped me see that my situation was not hopeless! In fact, I now feel empowered to deal with my situation rather than feeling that situation was dealing with me! It has been a life saver.

>>>It gave me a good guide in what not to say or do when he comes around me. I was getting there on my own but the book gave me a few additional ideas to use.

>>>Charging neutral and understanding that it is not my fault has been very helpful.

>>>It encouraged & validated me. Also helped me understand that what I was experiencing was normal. It really explained what was occurring. Last gave me tools to cope. Thank you!

It’s often good to hear from others who have been there…done that. I asked some who have been on my mialing list for 3-4 years these questions:

What was the turning point(s) in your recovery? What part, if any, did my material (e-book, articles, site) play?

Here is the response of one person:

I found your e-book after months of searching for someone to turn to, someplace to give me even a tiny bit of insight into what was going on in my life. I had been on a merry-go-round, discovering that this wonderful man I was married to was involved in a very complicated emotional affair with someone 22 years his junior. The turning point came when I wrote you an email and you actually replied to me. I wanted to know why my H continued to say “I don’t know how this happened.” Your answer included a statement (I paraphrase here) – That perhaps my H was being entirely sincere about not knowing how it had happened. I thought about that (along with so many other things, of course) and I decided that instead of rejecting my H (who seemed genuinely distressed) I would give him the gift of TIME. I am over-simplifying here . . . as during months of questioning both myself and my H, I also accepted another insight you gave me – that this was not about me, this was about my H. I had done what other people typically do – I was on this hamster run, going round and round, questioning “what had I done wrong?” Even my H agreed that I had been nothing less than an enthusiastic partner, supportive wife, exceptional mother, etc. So I kept thinking – if I did nothing wrong (and H said – I had NOT doing anything wrong)- how could this have possibly happened? I decided that even tho I was doing everything I knew to meet my H’s needs, b/c of his age and his own doubts about himself as an aging male, his abandonment issues from his childhood (dad died at 12 – H went off to boarding school immediately after) coupled with the circumstances of our marriage (H had to accept a career move out of state for 12 months during wh/ time I had to stay behind while he lived in an apartment) – H had been very vulnerable and susceptible to this woman’s attention. He was so attached to this gal that he could not even see what was occurring. He even told me at one point: “I am her knight in shining armor.” I thought – well now we see. I am the competent wife and mother holding everything together . . . and here is Miss Helpless looking up at H w/ doe-eyes. I intercepted an email b/n the two of them where she told my H how in awe she was of some accomplishment and she finished it with “You are THE MAN!!!” At some point, I let go of “how could this happen” and “what else could I have done to meet his needs?” to “what is he doing to meet my needs?” This is only the beginning of a disentangling process that took nearly two years, and included a job change. During this time, I came back to your materials many times, re-read, re-considered what it was going to take to make me feel whole and centered while my H went through his own struggle. We have new rules in our marriage. H had always been a very outrageous “flirt” in group situations, wh/ we had discussed many times as I found it quite disrespectful. He agreed to monitor himself closely. He has engaged in this behavior twice in three years, both times while drinking. Both times, I made it clear that I was withdrawing my support and his behavior would determine if I wanted to continue a relationship with him. These have not been easy periods. I decided if we are to stay married, I would have to trust him and he would have to be responsible for showing me his commitment to our marriage. I truly enjoy his companionship. When I feel there is something to question, I immediately question it. We are three years past “the end of the affair” and most days I do not think about it. I feel it did change me perhaps more than it changed my H. I had my H on a pedestal, absolutely adored the man and felt we had such a strong union – nothing could interfere with that solidarity. I was blessed that one of my closest friends is a therapist. Although she specializes in adolescent behavioral health, without her continued support, I do not think I could have moved forward and switched my focus to MY life, my pursuits, my future. I had to remove myself from the “drama” of my H’s situation. This was key to my staying sane. I have teetered on depression for five years now. I genuinely LIKE my H. If I had not liked him, as well as loved him, I do not think I would have continued this marriage. I worked at staying focused on all the things I liked about him throughout the craziness. I am a professional writer/editor, and writing to my friend helped me sort out my feelings, face my insecurities, deal with my anger. I would highly recommend that anyone going through a similar situation keep a journal . . . as writing does help sort through things. The most valuable thing I have learned through all this is – essentially – no matter how much you love another person – you are responsible for yourself and you do not have control over everything that is going to happen in your life. There is no room for martyrdom or victimization. You have to decide what it means to be a survivor – and that may mean ending a relationship or it may mean stepping back and allowing the other person the time to decide what he/she wants in his/her life – and then you act on that information. Either you stay or you leave. Either way, you must have the conviction that this was a decision you made for yourself, based on the life you want for yourself. It cannot be a “default” position or you will forever be stuck in a victim role.

One of the huge benefits of using the chat room, subscribing to my free e-course, receiving my free Newsletter and reading my articles is that you normalize your feelings…and thoughts.

You realize you truly are not crazy.

In reality, what you experience is experienced by many if not all facing extramarital affairs.

One of my favorite sounds is someone taking a deep sigh of relief once this sinks in.

It happens often here.

Read some of these comments from those who signed up for my free e-course:

It has made me realize that it is not the problem but the result of a much more significant underlying issue or set of issues.

For me it was truly a shock when I found out that my husband was having an affair, I come from a divorced family and I always thought that in the one thing I wanted to succeed in life was in my marriage, I felt weak as if I hadn?t done well the one thing I always said I was going to do not just good but extraordinary. When I found out I felt very lonely because I couldn?t talk about it with no one, my parents nor my sisters know nothing and they usually know everything that is going around in my life, so I have to thank you with all my heart for your e-mails because I really felt understood when I read each one of them, they made me feel secure and accompanied. Once again, thank you.

Well i know I have to acknowelege my husband’s feelings even though he cheated on me.To know that I’m not the only one feeling this way has helped me a lot. I now understand why it’s not good to say. ‘I love you” to your spouse after they have cheated. I’m learning so much from this program.

Part 2 was a real wakeup call to how I was behaving and what it meant. Each part helped me to face this process differently. I feel so much more in control after the chaos I have been through. I have realised there is a way to deal with this infidelity and it was not what I thought! Thank you for the course.

The course, chatrooms and books help me to feel that my actions, perceptions and feelings are not a sickness. i had immediately gone to a dr., after discovery, wanting a pill to make it better. I thought my feelings and actions were irrational and needed to be supressed with drugs. I was honestly balistic over this. I regreted my behavior after my outbursts or confrontations. I regreted what I had turned it to and wanted a pill to fix it. The ecourse and the literature reassures me this is a process.

When I read the E-mails I felt validated as though someone had written my feelings and turmoils in a concise, accurate manner; but I recognized the value of those words after having gone through it but wouldn’t have recognized the value not experiencing it. They would have been meaningless and unable to remember the words — but they are forever etched in my memory now from experience.

Wishing you well.

And, oh yes, make sure you sign up for my free ecourse on this page.