How does one recover from the devastation of infidelity? I posed this question, attempting to get feedback on my ecourse: Killer Mistakes. These are responses from two of my readers:
How has this E-course helped you change the way you feel, think and act as you face infidelity. Give examples, if you can.
1. My instinct was to want to shame and punish some sense into the perpetrator, and his co perpetrator. It did not work. Had I read your ebook sooner, I could’ve saved myself the frustration. After reading the e-book, I was at least comforted to know that the terrible feelings of grief and off the chart emotions I experienced were not bizarre. I would have bought the e-book sooner, but I was afraid of getting spammed by all kinds of wacko mail, or just my privacy being stepped on.
2. I knew deep down the affair wasn’t my fault. I saw the danger signs and tried to warn him not to spend one-on-one time with her, but that didn’t work, so I knew if I couldn’t stop him from making the mistake, I couldn’t have caused it either. Having the types of affairs described to me really helped. It made it really clear that it was all about him and his inability to communicate what he really needed.
Infidelity Stories and Input
I was reading through some of the comments from my readers of “Break Free From the Affair.” Thought I would share some with you. It’s always good to know what others go through:
1. How was your situation helped by reading Break Free From the Affair?
>>>>understanding why the affair happened and confused in a sense because it wasnt my fault
>>>>Very comprehensive framework for understanding the affair. My therapist was supportive, but didn’t help much with understanding or reacting in a really helpful way to my wife’s infidelity. BFFTA did a great job of describing what is and is not useful to do when working through an affair.
>>>>I just read it. It validated my own understandings and gave me important information.
>>>>I’m just hoping we can still communicate.
>>>>It helped me identify the type of affair my husband is having
>>>>It helped me identify the type of affair I’m dealing with and the knowledge that I’m dealing with it badly.
2. Please describe the situation that best fits you.
>>>>I discovered the affair. My spouse stopped seeing the OP (other person) and we are rebuilding the marriage.
>>>>My partner has filed for divorce but I don’t want a divorce.
>>>>I recently discovered the affair and am in shock, anger, pain and confusion.
>>>>My partner has filed for divorce but I don’t want a divorce.
>>>>We are trying to repair the relationship but my partner is still contacting the OP. I can’t trust him/her.
3. What did Break Free From the Affair NOT answer for you… or how can it be improved?
>>>>For “My Marriage Made Me Do It”, my case, you didn’t provide much information on specific behaviors the wayward spouse needed to show in order for there to be a successful reconciliation. Where is the guide for the wayward spouse that lays out how her behavior needs to change if she wants to save the relationship. Also, you didn’t say if you found it helpful to share BFFTA with your wayward spouse. I have nothing to lose at this time, so I did, but she hasn’t reacted so far.
>>>>what she have to do to save the marriage completely
>>>>Well, it is a lot of value for $90, especially compared to the amount I spend on one therapy session out-of-pocket, not to mention an attorney’s fee.
>>>>A lot more coaching on how to create a charge neutral posture. Some more information on how to identify which infidelity model applies (my wife’s character suggests one model, her behavior suggests another).
>>>>My husband seems to be in a midlife crisis stemming from all our financial worries and is blaming his unhappiness on the marriage. We have been married 20 years and though I see we were emotionally disengaged he is trying to justify his behavior of the affair because of the marriage and I wonder if the crisis changes the impact of the affair