Where, when and how does the healing from infidelity begin?
That’s the question I ask:
1. Jot down a turning point between you and your partner that helped the two of you move in a positive direction. Tell the story, if you would.
We were trying to work things out. Being married 29 years, his affair was a shock. I threw up, prayed, hit the treadmill to feel alive, and lost 28 pounds. The turning point came when we took a trip to Lake Tahoe. We had a few drinks and everything poured out of both of us. If you are the one who cheated, please come clean with all the details he/she wants to know all at once. If you find things out every few weeks, such as where you went together, the hidden cell phone, etc., it’s like ripping the scab off every time and reliving the nightmare again and again. You go back to day one. The healing can’t begin until everything is out on the table for the sun to hit it. Don’t think you’re sparing our feelings because we look now for evidence and we WILL find out eventually. Be honest, transparent and know: it takes at least a year to not think about it every moment. Be patient because we will be moody. Also know, it’s worth it. You CAN have a better, stronger, loving marriage again. Both of you have to want it and do a lot of self examination. BTW, let go of the “what if’s”. Look forward, not back. (That’s the hard part)