I released a new video. I briefly talk about the 5 keys to surviving infidelity. Take a look:
More articles on Surviving the Affair can be found at:
How to recover from infidelity.
Surviving marital infidelity by knowing the types of affairs.
Dealing with Adultery
February 26, 2009 by 1 Comment
One looks for 3 movements when dealing with adultery:
1. In dealing with adultery the moments of pain, confusion and downright fear, over time, becomes less intense. When you as an individual or you as a couple are stuck in that emotional mire of infidelity blame and pain, each time you bump into it you feel a slight measure of relief.
2. In dealing with adultery, the times that you face the anger, guilt and infidelity blame becomes spaced out over time. Those awful moments don’t happen as often.
3. In dealing with adultery, you learn new personal and relational skills that take enable you to move through the blame, anger and guilt of infidelity more quickly.
Please note this scenario:
I had to accept (and did) the fact the he was not willing to to move from the past to the future and once I eliminated him from my future and began to live life again without him, it struck a nerve and made him face the realization that the past was eating him alive. For whatever reason he chose to hold on to the anger and/or guilt from the past not a healthy choice. What we both did to each other is inconceivable and broke every marriage vow and I know of no one that has overcome and have made a come back. It’s been 6 long years, and he has finally gotten past it. He still has bouts of anger, regret, and guilt but through communication we are able to talk through it and help ease each others pain. With time, these episodes are becoming increasing less.
Infidelity Healing: The Ruthless Question
February 23, 2009 by Leave a Comment
I’ve seldom been called ruthless. I’ve been described as someone who sees the snake hiding in the grass, but seldom ruthless.
But, the one question I pose in my ebook, a question most dread asking BTW, is often viewed as ruthless… but necessary when one first confronts infidelity an extramarital affair.
I picked this up in some comments from my readers. Here are some more comments:
1. How has this E-course helped you change the way you feel, think and act as you face infidelity. Give examples, if you can.
your specific breakdown to identify different types of affairs, and the almost ruthless questions about is it worth saving etc are very liberating, especially when one is blindly hell bent on “Fixing” things and probably in a state of denial. The concept that maybe the relationship is not worth saving is scary , but a reality for some of us and you help us see that, Thank you.
This e-course has reassured me that the steps that I have already taken are valid. I have always remained informed, calm, non-aggressive, more of a mentoring stance and counselor than a wounded victim. He says that I am a “class act”, and that I am “amazing” (by NOT stalking her, by NOT destroying his stuff, etc.) His affair has opened up a whole new door to communication between us, and as a result, we are beginning to bridge new gaps, even as he is still pursuing the “other person”. He tells me pretty much everything, even asking me advice about “what is really going on from a woman’s standpoint”. I have a lot of faith that the affair will not work out, and I want to be a safe landing spot for him when it concludes. The good news is that she is not a very active respondent in this — it is a lot one-way. I believe that when the dust settles, I will be able to define the terms upon which a new relationship is formed between us – one term of which is fidelity. Communication is being built as we speak, and trust will have to follow as a natural course. Wish us lots of good luck in this!!!!
I’m kind of a “veteran”. I originally found your site back in the summer of 2004 when my wife first started her affair. I think that the best part of the e-course and the e-book was the section on “Charge Neutral” because it helped me to not shy away from the difficult task of talking about her affair. Her affair is #1 with maybe some #6. I wanted to save our marriage, but the divorce is under way. Like you said, “Wish them well!”