Fighting the Infidelity Abuse: Growing Your Spirit

It is natural for most to feel as an abused victim once they discover the infidelity of their cheating spouse. Self esteem takes a tumble.

Read how this person moved through this pain and attempted to reclaim her spirit.

1. What in the way of disrespect, blame, criticism and/or abuse are you facing?

Even though it has been a couple of years since the aftermath of learning about an affair that happened 20 years earlier, this situation knocked me off my feet and took the air right out of me. Why he told me now is strange, but I wanted to believe in us back then. Anyway he showed many of these responses, and I should have left him for a while to give him space to assess his behavior. I was like the battered wife…coming back for more believing it would get better. I let the situation take my spirit away and needed to practice your principles of self-preservation and personal growth. The struggle I had was falling into the pattern of an abused victim rather than to focus on me for growth. It is so hard to let go of abuse pattern.

2. What has worked best for you in stopping or tolerating less and less of these destructive behaviors?

Walking away and showing signs of withdrawing from our relationship when this behavior is displayed. I need to grow my spirit and person…I have to strengthen me again. I get hurt even easier than before from him or others.

Coping with the Pain of Infidelity

I frequently go over a survey I give for those who read my Free E-course, “The Seven Killer Mistakes…that prolong the affair and your misery.” It helps me learn what it is specifically that is helpful in coping with the pain of infidelity.

I will share with you… so you might learn how to cope with the pain of infidelity as well:

1. How has this E-course helped you change the way you feel, think and act as you face infidelity. Give examples, if you can.

The course has helped me understand it’s not me. Yes, I contributed to the affair but the issues are hers to resolve. Not mine. It has helped me understand the types of affairs and that hers is a blended affair of more than one of the seven types of affairs. It has helped me accept that her “friendship” is an affair dispite all of her reasons why it is not. It has helped me see all of the mistakes I have made so far and hopefully given me guidance to avoi future mistakes.

When I first found out about the affair, I was completely mad. I was going through so many different emotions from one minute to the next, I didn’t know what to think or do, and started to behave very badly, and was headed down a road to self destruction. Reading the e-course helped me realize that what I was feeling was normal? (Normal for finding out about the betrayed). It made me realize that I am not alone, and that many other people are going through the same emotions. When I first started reading the material I was finding on the net, it said that this would be a time of self descovery, which at the time I thought was a load of bs. But after a few weeks and the initial shock started to wear off, I did actually start to look inside, and found out some things about myself that I did not like, and am now in the process of changing my attitude. In some aspects of my life I am now a better person, but still very much struggling with the knowledge of the affair. thanks for your help R.

It has confirmed many things that I felt instinctively; like to stop saying “I love you” all the time, and not to change your intrinsic behaviour too much, just beacause you want your husband to move towards/love/care for you again. It has given me the courage to face the facts surrounding the whole infidelity issue. I also got a few laughs out of some articles, like the one about not imagining that the extra-marital sex was so hot! Thank you for that!

I learned a great deal from the E-Course and gained a lot of good information about how to cope with the different stages of emotions and feelings brought on by the affair. It helped me organize my thoughts so that I could find a better way to communicate with my spouse.

Healing Infidelity: Stop the Affair?

I just posted a new article on the possibilities of stopping an affair. Can you stop an affair? No. Can you influence an affair? Yes! And, there is a huge difference in perspective and results.

Here’s the new article: Healing infidelity: How to Stop the Affair.