When you bump into infidelity, when you encounter a cheating spouse, you are flooded
and overwhelmed by powerful and intense feelings.

Some prefer not to talk about the affair or talk about the situation.

You may find it extremely difficult to talk. You may be embarrassed.

Or, you may not want others to know for fear of embarrassment or for fear that if
others find out; somehow your talking to another will get around to your cheating
spouse and might make matters worse.

It’s frequently difficult to talk to family and friends.

In some ways you’re too close to family and friends. They discover that someone is
having an affair close to them and they react. They’re not sure how to respond.

Many people have myths and stereotypes about infidelity, so their response is often
less than helpful.

Family or friends may say, “Kick him/her out. Why do you put up with this?”

But you know that it’s not that simple.

So many people that you talk to won’t understand and won’t be able to guide you or
give you the kind of support or the kind of help that you really, truly need.

Now this is also true in the case of professionals. I’m a licensed marriage and
family therapist in the state of Michigan and a certified social worker for the past
27 years.

In my training in marriage and family therapy, the issue of infidelity was never
brought up as a specific sub-category.

Professional therapists may try to extrapolate certain concepts onto the animal of
infidelity. This does not often work.

If you do seek therapy, seek out a therapist who ideally is recommended by someone
who has success with that therapist in the arena of infidelity, if possible.

The Internet, the web, has been a lifesaving place for many, many people suffering
from the agony of infidelity.

I have a support group on Ning, which is I think now about 2,500 members and very
active. Go to: http://infidelity-support.ning.com/?xgi=gMHG8sg

I also have a support group on Facebook that is less active but, again, serves a
purpose. Go to Facebook and do a search on infidelity and you will find the support
group.

I also have a chat room that is visited by a number of people consistently. Chatters
say, “You know, the chat room has really been my savior. When I can’t sleep at
night, I go there and talk to people and I’ve made fast and true friends.”

As a matter of fact, a few years ago I got an email from somebody who said that they
were getting together locally with a group of people who were meeting in my chat
room to support and encourage each other.

Here’s the link for the chatroom: https://www.infidelity-help.com/chatroom

One meaning behind this question is, Will I ever trust my cheating spouse again?
Will it ever be the same as it was before?

And the answer to that is no.

It will not be the same as it was before. And there probably always will be a part
of you that holds back to some degree, always remembers.

The trust has been tarnished.

But the trust can be reinstated, can be restored. However, it doesn’t happen easily.

It takes anywhere from three to eighteen months with both working individually and
together discussing, soul searching, examining at what you want from each other,
declaring yourselves, doing everything you need to feel ninety nine percent sure
that his or her words and actions are predictable and trustworthy.

So, yes you can trust again, although it is a long path and it probably is a path
that would be very difficult but well worth it.

You can move your relationship to new levels of intimacy and understanding even
though the trauma lurks in the background.

Another dimension of this question, Will I ever trust again?” is “Will I ever be
able to enter into a loving relationship?”

The underlying concern: “Will you ever be able to trust yourself again?”

You see you have been burned. You have lost your bearings and in ways you have lost
your ability to trust your intuition, your own instincts and you are saying can I
ever use those again to enter into a loving relationship?

Can I trust myself? Will I know what the flags are? Will I know when I am going to
get hurt again? These are very legitimate questions.

To address this question, begin thinking about the standards you have for a loving
relationship? What’s extremely important for you in a loving relationship?

Begin to define those standards very clearly.

Look at boundaries. What are the boundaries you need in your life to protect you?
And when you see a red flag and when you believe you are walking down that path
where you might get hurt, how do you set those boundaries to protect you?

And then the third thing I want you to do is to reflect on the signs of a healthy
relationship? What would it look like to be in a healthy relationship and what does
it look like to be in a non healthy relationship?

Reconfigure you. Redesign you with your standards front and center.
Knowing how to set boundaries and knowing what to look for in a healthy relationship
will enable able you to trust you and in trusting you, will be free to trust others.

Video: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?s=trust+again%3F