Hiding the Details of Infidelity

July 12, 2012 by 1 Comment

When infidelity strikes your marriage, do you want your partner to hide it from you? Or for him or her to tell you all about it?

If you find out that your partner is having an extramarital affair, your initial reaction is to ask about the details of what went on during his or her infidelity, where and when.

But what if your partner doesn’t tell you what you want to know? There could be a number of different reasons behind this, and here are a couple of them. Take a look and see if either one fits your situation.

 

1. Some affairs are caused by kind of a dependency issue on the offender’s side, especially in cases where the type of affair is “I fell out of love” or “I want to be close to someone.”

In these cases of infidelity, your partner tends to keep the details of his or her affair from you for fear of how you would react. Your partner cares too much if you’ll get angry or hate him or her for the things he or she did, so he or she ends up not telling you anything at all.

2. If your partner, on the other hand, is involved in an “I can’t say no” affair, his or her reasons for not opening up about his or her infidelity could be totally different.

He or she is hiding these details because he or she is ashamed and guilty over the things he or she did. Your partner doesn’t want you to know what happened because he or she knows how wrong it was and he or she wants to keep those details from you so you won’t get hurt.

There could be plenty of other reasons why your partner would choose to keep the details of his or her infidelity from you. They depend on a lot of factors, some of which include the type of affair he or she went through, the state of your relationship and his or her personal problems. Whatever it is, you have to know and understand the circumstances that lead to your partner’s infidelity to be able to determine how you will get him or her to talk to you about it.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

Extramarital Affairs: Not Always Due to Sexual Unsatisfaction

July 10, 2012 by 1 Comment

Whenever a person finds out that their partner is cheating on them, or was once involved in an extramarital affair, more often than not, the things you imagine are worse than what actually happened, especially when it comes to their sexual encounters.

Take this case of extramarital affairs, for example, where a woman began an affair with someone who was 15 years younger than her. She described how she felt during the affair, saying that she didn’t feel like herself and that she was actually truly traumatized from it. She talked about how difficult it was for her lover to get an erection, and when they were finally able to have sex, that it was not good at all. In fact, it made her feel worse about herself.

What you have to keep in mind, though, is that what you imagined they had done during the extramarital affair is not necessarily the truth. And that in most cases, it is actually the opposite.

This is a problem that most victims of infidelity encounter – believing that the affair occurred because of a lack of sexual satisfaction in the marriage, and that it is the other person who started the seduction. This is not the case for everyone who has gone through or is going through an extramarital affair. Reasons for engaging in extramarital affairs actually go deeper than just a lack of sexual satisfaction in the relationship most of the time.

Usually, people cheat for personal reasons that have nothing to do with problems regarding their partners or relationships. They are usually problems that go back even before the relationship, and your partner probably had not been able to cope with it properly. Extramarital affairs are never as simple as a bad sex life, and the only way you can get to the bottom of it is if you explore each others’ needs together.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Infidelity Testimonials, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Dealing with Conflict in the Marriage: Confronting vs. Attacking Your Partner

July 5, 2012 by 1 Comment

People in marriages usually keep themselves from really getting into the issues they are dealing with, mostly because they are afraid of causing conflict in the marriage.

It a common misunderstanding that when it comes to relationships, being with the “right” person means that everything else in the relationship will go smoothly and be “right,” which is not necessarily true. All relationships will have its ups and downs and will need both parties to work hard to keep it going. They are never easy. And most of the time, the reason why a lot of people keep moving on from one person to the next is to look for that easy relationship because they are too lazy to work through the conflict in the marriage for a lasting one.

We all grow up dealing with our problems and troubles and conflicts in our own way, but being in a relationship with someone means that we can no longer do things our way. Being in a marriage means that we have to consider our partners in every situation, in every decision, and we have to learn to work with them through everything, especially the conflict in the marriage, together. This is going to be difficult at first, and most of us would tend to just be quiet and not bring any of the issues we are dealing with up. But do not be afraid to open up to your partner.

What you should realize is that the problems and conflict in the marriage won’t just bring in negative results. They can actually be the push you need to be a better husband or wife to your spouse. They can also help your relationship become stronger. But there is good conflict in the marriage and bad conflict, and only good conflict will bring enlightenment in your marriage.

Just remember that confronting your partner with you issues is different from attacking him or her with them. Don’t be afraid that your partner won’t listen to you and not understand what you are saying. Communicate with your partner and calmly let him or her know what your issues are. Trusting that your partner will hear you out and not create a negative twist on the conflict in the marriage, will develop his or her trust in you in return, and will only make your marriage better and stronger.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage Tagged With: , , , , ,
« Previous Page
Next Page »