After the Affair: Barriers in Saving the Marriage

August 30, 2012 by Leave a Comment

What do you need to know to save the marriage after the affair?

Rebuilding a marriage after the affair is very difficult, even with all of the information you can have, because no matter how much you read on the matter, it will still be your personal barriers that will keep you from making any real changes.

The following are three most common barriers that people encounter while going through this situation after the affair:

1. Your partner refuses to open up and talk about the affair. You try to get him to talk, you ask questions, you try to peel back the layers your partner is hiding from, but you don’t get anywhere. And it seems that the more you ask about it, the more your partner pulls away. You have a hard time trusting him or her, or getting past the betrayal, because you imagine all these things that he or she did with the other person. And the worst part is that you don’t know for sure what happened because your partner refuses to answer your questions about it.

2. You are afraid. You’re scared to demand anything from your partner after the affair for whatever reason, and you try to stay out of his or her way. Maybe you don’t want him or her to feel pressured or stressed by you because you don’t want him or her to find comfort outside your marriage again. You only try to analyze what his or her actions mean and you are never sure if what you think is right or wrong. You keep your struggle inside rather than opening up to your partner what you really feel.

3. You are focused on the other person, and how he or she compares to you. You want to be able to be the person you were before the affair, but you’re just always unsure of yourself now. And it’s worse when your partner isn’t giving any indication of what he wants – whether it’s you or the other person – because it just makes it all the more confusing.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Relationship Advice: How to Build Trust

August 28, 2012 by Leave a Comment

There is plenty of relationship advice being put out there regarding building trust in relationships. Most of it is true and helpful, but some of it won’t do you any good.

So what’s one relationship advice you should trust?

A lot of people in relationships or marriages say that they want to be surprised, they want spontaneity, they don’t want to be stuck in a rut or a routine where everything happens the same way at the same time. And although this is true enough, they also don’t want to be surprised by a sudden change in your behavior, especially when they don’t expect it from you at all.

Here is one piece of relationship advice that will be beneficial: Be consistent.

Your partner wants to think that he or she knows you and knows what you will do. Your partner wants you to be consistent in your actions, your feelings, your behavior, your treatment of him or her, and everything else. Your partner wants to be able to trust you to react or behave in a certain way even when he or she is not around.

Sudden changes in these things, even tiny things like losing weight, dressing differently, acting differently, having new friends who he or she has never met, showing interest in things that you never cared for before – these little things tend to cause suspicions and doubts that lead to your partner suspecting you of things that may or may not be happening.

You may think that being consistent is bad relationship advice because it means being predictable and boring, which is something that everyone does not want to be, especially in a relationship. But consistency doesn’t always have to mean being predictable, and being predictable doesn’t always mean boring. Be spontaneous, be surprising, be impulsive. Avoid making routines when it comes to your relationship. Keep up the spark, try out new things, go to new places. But remember to do all of that consistently.

Filed Under: Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Fears, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage Tagged With: , , , , ,

Why Are You Really Staying in the Marriage?

August 21, 2012 by 2 Comments

When you discover that your spouse is having an affair, what would be your reasons for staying in the marriage?

A lot of people tend to be confused about what their next step should be when they find out that their partners have been involved in extramarital affairs. There’s the pain and confusion of being betrayed by someone you loved who you thought you could trust. But there is also the hope that everything you worked for and everything you believed was true can still be saved. This is the cause of the internal struggle you experience with infidelity crises — are you leaving or staying in the marriage?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having doubts, and everyone has their reasons for doing so. But if staying in the marriage after the affair is the decision you choose, are you sure that you are doing it for the proper reasons?

The following are some reasons that have come up in some cases. Read through them and find out if you really want to save the marriage or…?

1. Are you tired of confronting your partner and fighting about his or her actions and behavior all the time? Are you tired of always being the one bringing up the conflict in your relationship? Have you decided that it’s much easier staying in the marriage and letting him be rather than fight?

2. Are you hanging onto your religious and moral beliefs of making your marriage work no matter what? Do you feel like you will be judged or ridiculed by your friends or family if you don’t stay in your marriage?

3. Are you only staying together for the kids? Do you think that your kids need you and your partner to be together, even when he or she isn’t behaving the best way? Or that they wouldn’t be able to cope if you weren’t together?

4. Are you afraid of being on your own and starting over without your partner by your side? Does the thought of making decisions on your own and living a new life without your partner scare you?

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,
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