Dealing with Conflict in the Marriage: Confronting vs. Attacking Your Partner

July 5, 2012 by 1 Comment

People in marriages usually keep themselves from really getting into the issues they are dealing with, mostly because they are afraid of causing conflict in the marriage.

It a common misunderstanding that when it comes to relationships, being with the “right” person means that everything else in the relationship will go smoothly and be “right,” which is not necessarily true. All relationships will have its ups and downs and will need both parties to work hard to keep it going. They are never easy. And most of the time, the reason why a lot of people keep moving on from one person to the next is to look for that easy relationship because they are too lazy to work through the conflict in the marriage for a lasting one.

We all grow up dealing with our problems and troubles and conflicts in our own way, but being in a relationship with someone means that we can no longer do things our way. Being in a marriage means that we have to consider our partners in every situation, in every decision, and we have to learn to work with them through everything, especially the conflict in the marriage, together. This is going to be difficult at first, and most of us would tend to just be quiet and not bring any of the issues we are dealing with up. But do not be afraid to open up to your partner.

What you should realize is that the problems and conflict in the marriage won’t just bring in negative results. They can actually be the push you need to be a better husband or wife to your spouse. They can also help your relationship become stronger. But there is good conflict in the marriage and bad conflict, and only good conflict will bring enlightenment in your marriage.

Just remember that confronting your partner with you issues is different from attacking him or her with them. Don’t be afraid that your partner won’t listen to you and not understand what you are saying. Communicate with your partner and calmly let him or her know what your issues are. Trusting that your partner will hear you out and not create a negative twist on the conflict in the marriage, will develop his or her trust in you in return, and will only make your marriage better and stronger.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage Tagged With: , , , , ,

The Other Person: Not to Blame for the Affair?

July 3, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Finding out about your partner’s affair is difficult, and usually, you start thinking about the other person and what it is that he or she has that made your partner cheat.

Maybe you feel that hearing about the other person will help you understand your partner’s actions, and maybe you even expect to hear about how he or she was tempted and seduced by this person. But what you have to understand is that the affair wasn’t caused by the third person, at least not by himself.

Your partner’s infidelity most probably happened due an issue that he or she is dealing with personally – it may be even something he or she has been dealing with before you got married – and the affair was a way to escape reality along with all the problems and issues that are a part of it.

The affair relationship was based on the idea that the other person represents a sort of freedom from all the responsibilities and obligations your partner has in your relationship, and that is where the attraction stems from.

Letting go of the thought that the other person is the cause of all your marital problems will be a big step in fixing and saving your marriage.

You have to keep in mind that if your partner didn’t have an affair with this particular person, then someone else might have been in the picture as the other person and you would still have been in the same position.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Confronting the Other Person, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Stopping the Affair, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Recreating the Trust You Lost in Your Marriage After Infidelity

June 28, 2012 by 2 Comments

Probably one of the biggest issues that couples have to face once infidelity becomes a part of their relationship is how to rebuild the trust that they’ve lost in each other. So what can they do fix that?

Victims of infidelity ask if it’s possible for them to be able to trust their partners the way they used to before the affair, and they wonder if they will ever be able to just relax around their partners and not be suspicious or doubtful regarding their partners’ actions.

Rebuilding or restoring lost trust after infidelity is not an easy thing to do, but one of the things that could help you get through it is to change the things that you want to happen in your life post infidelity and how you see the situation that you are in apart from your partner.

What do you think would it take for you to trust your partner again? Or better yet, to trust him in a different way? Communicate these things to your partner and let him or her know what you are going through. If both of you decide that you want to stay in the relationship and try to make it work, then both of you should make a conscious effort to decide what it would take for both of you to rebuild the trust you lost.

During this time, it’s easy to focus on the negative things that have happened like the lying, betrayal and the actual cheating itself. And although these things shouldn’t be ignored, you shouldn’t concentrate all your energy on them and try to focus your thoughts on the things that are happening around you, the things that need to happen in your relationship, and the things that you want to happen for yourself as well.

It may seem like the hardest possible thing for you to do right now but it’s important that you do it to be aware of the reality of what is happening to you, your partner and your relationship at this very moment. What if you begin to feel that your partner may be having another affair? Will you be able to handle it is he or she is? And is this betrayal something that you can go through all over again? Are you going to tolerate this behavior from your partner?

Decide what you want for yourself and where you draw the line on things that you will put up with. Discuss with your partner the boundaries you need to have in your relationship and stand by the things you want and need for yourself.

It’s time that you think of the possibilities that you have in your life, and decide whether you want those possibilities or not.

Filed Under: After the Affair, Infidelity and Tolerations, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Decisions, Infidelity Fears, Infidelity Help, Infidelity Impact, Infidelity Testimonials, Marriage Makeover, Recovery From Infidelity, Relationship Tips, Relationships: Marriage, Surviving Infidelity Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,
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