Relationship Advice: How to Build Trust

There is plenty of relationship advice being put out there regarding building trust in relationships. Most of it is true and helpful, but some of it won’t do you any good.

So what’s one relationship advice you should trust?

A lot of people in relationships or marriages say that they want to be surprised, they want spontaneity, they don’t want to be stuck in a rut or a routine where everything happens the same way at the same time. And although this is true enough, they also don’t want to be surprised by a sudden change in your behavior, especially when they don’t expect it from you at all.

Here is one piece of relationship advice that will be beneficial: Be consistent.

Your partner wants to think that he or she knows you and knows what you will do. Your partner wants you to be consistent in your actions, your feelings, your behavior, your treatment of him or her, and everything else. Your partner wants to be able to trust you to react or behave in a certain way even when he or she is not around.

Sudden changes in these things, even tiny things like losing weight, dressing differently, acting differently, having new friends who he or she has never met, showing interest in things that you never cared for before – these little things tend to cause suspicions and doubts that lead to your partner suspecting you of things that may or may not be happening.

You may think that being consistent is bad relationship advice because it means being predictable and boring, which is something that everyone does not want to be, especially in a relationship. But consistency doesn’t always have to mean being predictable, and being predictable doesn’t always mean boring. Be spontaneous, be surprising, be impulsive. Avoid making routines when it comes to your relationship. Keep up the spark, try out new things, go to new places. But remember to do all of that consistently.

Why Are You Really Staying in the Marriage?

When you discover that your spouse is having an affair, what would be your reasons for staying in the marriage?

A lot of people tend to be confused about what their next step should be when they find out that their partners have been involved in extramarital affairs. There’s the pain and confusion of being betrayed by someone you loved who you thought you could trust. But there is also the hope that everything you worked for and everything you believed was true can still be saved. This is the cause of the internal struggle you experience with infidelity crises — are you leaving or staying in the marriage?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having doubts, and everyone has their reasons for doing so. But if staying in the marriage after the affair is the decision you choose, are you sure that you are doing it for the proper reasons?

The following are some reasons that have come up in some cases. Read through them and find out if you really want to save the marriage or…?

1. Are you tired of confronting your partner and fighting about his or her actions and behavior all the time? Are you tired of always being the one bringing up the conflict in your relationship? Have you decided that it’s much easier staying in the marriage and letting him be rather than fight?

2. Are you hanging onto your religious and moral beliefs of making your marriage work no matter what? Do you feel like you will be judged or ridiculed by your friends or family if you don’t stay in your marriage?

3. Are you only staying together for the kids? Do you think that your kids need you and your partner to be together, even when he or she isn’t behaving the best way? Or that they wouldn’t be able to cope if you weren’t together?

4. Are you afraid of being on your own and starting over without your partner by your side? Does the thought of making decisions on your own and living a new life without your partner scare you?

Marriage Communication: Saying No

How do you create a better, more honest marriage communication? Two words: Say no.

There is nothing wrong with saying no to people who are asking us for favors or asking us to do things for them, even and most especially our partners. And sometimes, saying no is the best thing you can do for yourself and for your marriage, especially in situations where infidelity is involved.

Saying no to others sets up boundaries for you regarding the things you are willing to do and the things you aren’t. It allows you to draw a line, and to avoid getting caught up in things that could be destructive to your relationship, or even to you as an individual.

When you say no, it does not always mean that you are being rude or mean or that you don’t want to help this other person. It will not always be met with negativity or bad reactions. In fact, it can help develop our marriage communication. Sometimes, what keeps us from saying no, even when we really want to, is the fear of these negative reactions, or the fear of not being accepted by our partners or by other people.

This fear becomes the reason behind further mistrust in a relationship, and it damages our marriage communication. When we choose to endure doing something we don’t like doing or we choose to suffer because we are afraid of rejection, it creates doubts, questions and issues between you and partner.

How will you be able to fully trust your partner when you are afraid of him or her? When you say no, you let your partner know that you are not afraid of him or her, and develop your marriage communication. This usually develops respect in your partner because he or she is aware of the things you will tolerate from him or her and the things that you won’t.