Men and Counseling: Why Don’t They Mix?

It shouldn’t be a surprise to know that women are more open about going to counseling and therapy when trying to work on the marriage, especially after infidelity occurs. It is common knowledge that men aren’t really into talking a problem out and that they only go through it because they feel that they have to.

Here are some of the most common themes that reoccur in a lot of different cases:

1. Men usually keep things to themselves. They don’t talk about their problems or their feelings or their thoughts unless they feel they have to. They internalize, think about their problems and issues by themselves, and aren’t all that happy about having to share their feelings with others.

2. Men don’t over-analyze. They look at the problem as what it is, think of solutions to that problem, and execute that solution. If one solution doesn’t work, they try out another. They don’t see the point of going to counseling to find a solution when you can find the solution yourself.

3. Men tend to believe and stick to the notion that they are incapable of expressing their feelings and thoughts, which is what they think therapy and counseling is all about. They think that women are the experts on that area, and they don’t want to seem inadequate.

Do I Really Want to Stay in the Marriage After Infidelity?

Most people who discover that their partners are having, or used to have, an extramarital affair have a hard time deciding between staying in the marriage or leaving. Different people have reasons for staying or leaving.

The following are some of these reasons. Read on to see if any of these apply to you, and take some time to reflect on your situation.

Do I really want to stay in the marriage or…?

1. Am I afraid that I won’t be capable of getting out of the marriage? Am I scared of starting over? Of doing it all on my own? Will I be able to survive without my partner?

2. Am I doing it because I feel like my partner needs me? Maybe if I leave, he won’t be able to cope and will only get worse. Am I just staying to make things easier for him?

3. Am I afraid of what he might do? What if I confront him and tell him I’m leaving, and he hurts me? Or worse, what if he hurts the children?

4. Have I forgotten to think about myself? Have I forgotten about my wants and needs because of every other responsibility that I have to face? What are the hopes and desires and dreams I have that have nothing to with my partner?

Coping with Infidelity: Learning to Trust Yourself After Infidelity

Different kinds of affairs mean different approaches in handling the situation, which in turn will produce different results. In some relationships, a partner having an affair may be one of the greatest things that had happened for the marriage. For most though, it means the end. Affairs demand different things, from patience and understanding to tough love and action. It just all depends on what kind of affair it is.


People usually react differently when they hear of their partner’s affair, but the emotional impact is equally strong for everyone. Expect to have plenty of sleepless nights, and feel kind of a numbness that will leave you idle and unproductive for weeks. It usually takes a long time for an individual to work through everything and process things completely – usually about two to four years. Having a good therapist or counselor may help you deal with it faster, but it usually depends on your situation.


The reason why the emotional impact of a situation like this runs deep is usually because of two major things: the trust you had in your partner is completely destroyed, and the consequences of keeping secrets in a relationship takes its toll on you.


One of the most important things you will have to develop is to trust yourself, and not to put your trust completely in your partner. You should also learn to deal with the ramifications of what this does to your relationship.