This person describes the “I Love You, Stay Away From Me” theme that is often characteristic in psychological language with the “Borderline” personality. “Borderlines” find it difficult to change, especially if the patterns are deeply ingrained.

Read how she managed to break free:

1. How has this E-course helped you change the way you feel, think and act as you face infidelity. Give examples, if you can.

Yes, it definitely has been one of my lifelines during the past year as I try to deal with the sudden shock of an affair. The most important thing I have learned from you Dr. Huizenga, is that I have to focus on myself. A door was opened for me to look into my own soul, my own heart. I tried to avoid that for so long, but once I started there is no turning back. Being honest with myself just feels so darn good! I have finally reached the conclusion to end the relationship that I was in because it was unhealthy for me. I probably knew that subconsciously for the past 10 years or more, but I never wanted to face it. I just accepted his “love me – I need you – get away from me” type of love as what I deserved. I got used to the great joy and passion that came around when he got back into the I need you stage. It was a rush for me to be needed and loved so deeply. However, when he pushed me away I always crashed. I allowed him to humiliate me and reject me for the last time. The strength I have gained from reading your material and your emails over and over and over again has helped me to know that I am worth so much more. I have so much more to offer a man who is capable of accepting my love. I deserve to be happy, and I deserve to be loved. My greatest fear was that I was not worthy of being loved. You have helped me find my inner core – my strength – my love for myself. Once I saw the reality of who he is, the decision to leave became a no-brainer. Funny that I couldn’t see that reality for the past 17 years!

2. What unanswered questions do you have at this point as you cope with infidelity?

Why did it take me 14 months after finding out about the affair to finally get over him? Was that longer than usual? I felt like it was. I felt like I was too damaged to heal quickly. One day after about a year I felt the tiny incklings of healing, and then there was no stopping me. But during the past 14 months I had to still try to prove to him that I had not run away, I was committed to him, I believed in him and me. There was something in me that had to prove I wasn’t a failure at love. I had to prove to myself that I wasn’t selfish and a quitter like my father and my husband accused me of. I thought it would be so selfish to make the decision to leave – but in the end thinking about myself and making a decision for myself has released me from all the anger and most of the pain. I think that is what will help me in dealing with my kids, my family, and the next man in my life. They don’t have to suffer from the pain and anger I carried for so long and took out on everyone – even though I never intended to. Making a decision to leave has increased my own self esteem, but it had to be when I was ready. I guess maybe I just answered my own question about why it took so long for me to get healthy and to decide to leave. It was only after I could take an honest look at my own heart and soul and believe that I would survive that I could decide what it right for me. Thank you Dr. Huizanga – you have honestly been one of my angels and a life saver for me. (And I found your site quite “by accident”.) But there are no coincidences in life. God Bless You.