Should you confront the other person if you suspect infidelity?

Consider this scenario when the spouse discovers it’s a boss-secretary affair.

1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?

the only purpose was trying to identify that other person. I knew that something was going on but did not know who that person was. I discovered her email address so I opened a new account and sent her a letter telling her that I knew everything about their relation

2. What happened? What was the outcome?

She was very angry, sent him an email telling him about my mail, calling him coward and things like that…He never told me anything and they followed on with their affair without me even knowing her name. Much later I knew that she was his assistant (secretary)

3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?

I would hire a detective. It is safer and faster. I learned that in some cases time really counts and I exposed myself without knowing her intentions or how she or he could react to my letter.

Coach’s comment:

The need to know is very strong sometimes. Some truly need to know. They want to face the problem. They want and need a head-on confrontation.

Others prefer not to look, to avoid and diminish what their intuition is telling them.

We don’t know the long range outcome of her intervention. It appears the others went underground in some fashion. I would guess that she is facing an “I Don’t want to Say No” affair.

Reason: “I Don’t want to Say No” implies an imbalance of power or collusion of power. He feels entitlement in his position of power (boss-secretary) and she seemingly – from her perspective – merges into that power and shares it.

The wife seems to be on track. Often, action and not words are most effective with “I Don’t Want to Say NO.”