I usually caution people in accepting blame for the affair of their spouse. Sometimes, I must say to them, “No, you did not make him/her do this. S/he is responsible for his/her decisions and actions.

It’s very easy to believe that you did not do enough, were inadequate in some ways, or, as the person below states, he thought the affair was a result of him not meeting her needs.

He later, after the affair, discovers some of the same old patterns of behavior emerge.

Please read what he says:

I must be honest with you. I really thought that it was because I was not meeting my spouses emotional needs but, I just don not know anymore because some of the things that lead to the affair are now creeping back into our lives. Something is not right because our intimacy is a struggle. Communications is a struggle. It is more like she communicates with me to get what she wants. When I bring up issues that I want or need she often says that is not true or that I do not understand. I have tried to the best of my abilities to deal with this situation and the truth be known I am feeling very much alone and all that has happened is blame upon myself. My spouse does not accept her responsibility in the affair but says it was my fault. You know I do not know if this helps at all but it has really sucked for the past 2 years. As far as tolerating things you know she got off way to easy and as a result she takes advantaged of my good nature. What the hell, do people care anymore or is it just what they can suck out of someone else regardless of how much they hurt you or walk all over you?