What do couples do to heal the marriage after the affair? One of my readers wrote what worked best for them:

First “I” sat myself down and asked myself if saving my marriage was what I really wanted or was the pain of the affair blocking my judgment. Second; We, my husband and I took a long drive to a park over looking a river. There we calmly listened to each other; step by step he reveled what happened and from there we began to heal. Third; it is now almost four years later, we are enjoying a new kind of life with each other, bought a boat we always wanted and a new home. We kept family and friends out of our process of healing; to much advice is not a good thing. This was the hardest thing I had ever done, still at times I feel like walking away yet I know it is only my ego that is hurt, he after all stayed with me not her. I had not begged or demanded for his return, I just kept talking to myself; who knows me better than ME?. After A four year affair, things have turned out to be a strange blessing, my husband and I have never been so interested in what the other is doing, it is pretty nice knowing he finally wants to know about my day. One last thing; DO NOT bring up the affair after you have had that long talk at your favorite place, get out all the questions you feel you need to know at that time and let the rest go……….if you don’t you wont be able to end the affair for either of you!