Case study:

He as left the home after she discovered the infidelity. He initially declared he wanted a divorce, but later backed down.

She is “holding the fort” together and he is basically an emotional mess. (Affair #6: I need to prove my desirability.”) He non-verbally expresses guilt and “freezes” emotionally when together.

She wants to save the marriage and has been a pursuer, trying to get him to “open up.”

He appears to be overwhelmed by her verbosity, her questions and her need to have him end the affair and come home.

Suggestions: The strategy is to make short but powerful, non-threatening comments that initiate movement in the relationship. She can make short, concise meta comments: “We are stuck.” “This is awful for both of us, is is not?” I wonder how this will end?” “I wonder when our pain will fade…” “This is a long painful process for both of us.”

Make the comments, back away and observe the response. Notice any shifts or movement.