to Survive and Cope with Infidelity and Extramarital Affairs
Just set up a new page on my Break Free Site.
It’s a case study of how Nancy not only discovered her husband’s affair but also the fact that a child was created out of the infidelity. Learn how Nancy describes her feelings and a major inner voice that calmed her soul.
The fear of losing it all or other internal factors often keep the wounded spouse hanging on for hope and some sign that the affair will end and sanity will reappear.
The cheating spouse often plays into that fear with manipulative efforts that keep the spouse “at home” and at the same time offer him/her the opportunity to play.
The wounded spouse grabs onto the “niceness” or words of endearment but is thrown into near despair the next moment he walks out the door to be with the OP.
Read how these two women tolerate such behavior. Note also the resolve with the second person to set some boundaries.
Response to my question: What do you tolerate or put up with?
“Still talking with op on cell phone,coming home late,drinking a little too often, little snide remarks to see if he can get a rise out of me,and saying I still don’t know if I want to be married but turns around in the very next moment and does something really nice to give me some sort of hope then turns right around and takes a big notch out of it, all around mood swings from one min. to the next.”
“1. Keeping his cell phone text messages secret between “her” and him. 2. Taking off on Saturdays and not hearing from him until Monday—always has an excuse of where he is but deep down I know he’s spending it with her. 3. Know when he’s lying but don’t call him out; let it go and just try to project love. 4. Letting him continue to play family with me and our kids while we are separated; he has his own place now but stays weeknights with me and the kids. 5. Can’t keep riding this yo-yo relationship; over 2 years now and I must let go and stop pretending we are a family….I need to STOP this madness; stand up for myself and say NO its enough…get my own social life. Let go of the dream of being a family again.”
The scenario below describes the despicable behavior of the other woman contacing the children of the cheating husband and sharing intimate information with them.
This behavior displays the arrogance, insensitivity and pathology of the other person. (Strong feelings and opinions here. Playing affair games within the triangle of wounded spouse, cheating husband and other woman is predictable and understandable, to a degree, but engaging the children crosses some powerful boundaries.)
Read how the wounded spouse handles this:
1. What was your purpose for confronting the OP and what did you say/do?
The other woman contacted my 2 teenage daughters and told them everything, told them that thier father didn’t love me anymore, told them all the lies that my husband told her to make what he was doing okay. Told my children that I had been with other men. etc. When I did confront her I charged neutral and she told me all the dirty detail. Which I don’t know what is true or not.
2. What happened? What was the outcome?
Because I was cool when I spoke with her, she seemed to think I was her best friend. After I got enough info from her, I told I her she could have him and that I wasn’t interested in talking to her or my spouse again. That was over 2 months ago and I have no desire to speak with her. I don’t know if my spouse still sees her as he is living with his mother right now. He is very mixed up and cries every time we talk. He still hasn’t come clean and I have no intention of trying to work it out until he does. He says he wants his family back, but doesn’t know how to do it. Because my daughters were contacted by the op, they are bitter.
3. If you were to do it again, would you do it differently? What did you learn?
I wouldn’t have done it differently, because the timing was right. I got some information from her that I wasn’t getting from my spouse, I learned that he was lying to the op. as much as he was lying to me. It gave me that chance to tell her not to involve my daughters. and made realize that she was a loser.
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