Is there such a thing as “mid-life” crisis? And, do affairs or infidelity tend to migrate to that time of one’s life?

I believe there is a huge struggle for most couples once the children leave or begin to leave the nest.

Here are some themes I typically encounter from those immersed in this period of their lives:

1. Who are you? (said and thought to one’s spouse.) We’ve been busy, raising kids, providing, doing what ‘normal’ people do. But, when I look across the breakfast table at only you… who are you?

2. Who am I? I’ve played the ‘game’ – been a good provider, parent, community member, church member, employer, employee… but who am I? I feel this hole in me. What’s that all about?

3. What am I going to do for the rest of my life… when I’m unsure that what I’ve been doing hasn’t been all that satisfying?

4. I’m getting old… mmmmmm where is that relationship that will stir the juices? I don’t want to miss out. I don’t want to settle. Life is too short. And, I fear that I might end up alone.

5. Do I have it anymore… am I still attractive, desirable, can I turn the head of the opposite sex? Is romance for real or is it overrated?

6. I’m going to die. This life is certainly temporary. Just seems like yesterday…….

And probably more thoughts.

Read what one of my readers has to say:

Well, first, I’m not sure i am facing infidelity yet; i do feel that my husband has had friendships as I have. However, I realize that we are both good people who have struggled to ‘catch up ‘with each other. One of the things your E course has helped me with is ‘minding my own business’ I do believe my husband is struggling now at age 46 almost 47 with ‘ having his cake and eating it to’. For him, this has come as a great surprise as he was NEVER going to be unfaithful; however, I know it’s haunting him or she is haunting him. After six weeks of struggle, I now come home, ask how his day was and that is it. The other night, after I wrote him an email on ‘respect’ and what it is and isn’t and how that has always been missing, etc., and when i wanted to get help with our marriage, his response always was, ‘why is it that whenever there is a problem, we need counseling’. I am sure my attaining a second degree in nursing has him flipped out! However, I was finally ok with our life, we live a better life than we ever did etc., our 21 year old is on her own and I was looking forward to our ‘new beginning’. I believe he has had something else in mind for a while dating back almost 3.5 years when he went to work at the base the morning I was having surgery. It was a very painful awakening and I am sure a payback for all he had perceived I had done to him. He is never responsible for anything etc. To summarize, I now ask him only how is day was. I do not ask details, I do not respond to details.. etc. He is offering more information; he also had a rude awakening the other day when he read in the paper how one woman killed another over jealousy.. and the jealousy surrounded their minister that was not involved with either of them. This may have made him wake up and think about who or WHOM he has been involved with as well as who is bugging him. I used to ask him, ‘ ok, who is honking on your bo bo.’., knowing i had done NOTHING to upset him. I worked, attended my science classes at the time.,etc. I realize he is going through a growth stage; as much as I hate the thought of this now ending, I know it may be for the best. I also know I must not tell him much about my plans for my license nor my employment. I must keep this quiet to protect myself but also allow him to make his decisions, etc. We were young when we got married. I believed since we were both nice people we could have a nice life together. I was shaken into reality when I realized that we did not share too many things of importance.. and that is was a big struggle. It’s taken me years of attractions as well to figure out so many of the mismatches we experience. Anyhow, I hope this helps.