Abusive relationships are dangerous. Infidelity often exacerbates that danger. It adds another explosive element.

Here’s the question I posed for my readers and some responses:

1. What online or offline resources have you found helpful in dealing with abuse, criticism and blame from a cheating spouse and… how did you find them helpful?

I have a wonderful counselor who has helped me with the verbal abuse that my husband dishes out to me. She will tell me what to say then I put it into practice. I’m thankful for this email as well. The other source is listening to Joyce Myer every day and relying on God in lots of way. But I do stress be careful when in any of these situations.

Patricia Evans book, “The Verbally Abusive Relationship.” Finding this resources was the triggering event for confronting my ex-husband’s behaviors and learning to disengage. Ironically, the first person with whom I shared what was really going on my my relationship, my then closest friend who is a physician’s assistant, dismissed my concerns telling me everyone had these issues. Luckily I continued to pursue information and actually had two email exchanges with Patricia Evans.

Susan Forward’s books, specifically, “When Your Lover is a Liar. Dr. Oakley and her book, “Evil Genes.” She and I have been communication.

Dr. Huizenga’s site.

The book, “The Sociopath Next Door.” My surgeon who performed my reconstruction following breast cancer. She is THE BEST physician I’ve ever known both in her incredible talent as a surgeon and her ability to empathize and demonstrate true compassion for others. She got me the medical attention I needed as I had gone from 150# to 114# and am 5’10”. My local docs did nothing so she referred me, the same day I saw her, to her personal physician. This physician was also thorough, compassionate and empathetic and prescribed me meds to help reduce my anxiety and depression.

The Psalms and daily meditations using books from the Center for Non Violent Communication.

Articles and books both on and off-line regarding sociopaths and sex addiction. Two authors in particular, Dr. Hare and Dr. Patrick Carnes.

My therapist and a few close friends. Luckily my dad, who is 87, was still here for me as the majority of my family and friends either didn’t believe me or did not want to hear about my situation.

Coping with Divorce seminar.

I wish there was a program for spouses of cheaters who exhibit either sociopathic or narcissistic PD. I think it is far more difficult to accept the end of a marriage when you finally realize you have been conned for 20+ years and your spouse just disappears.